Yeah, the title’s not too compelling, but judging by the topic, do you think the rest of the blog is going to be any better? But, in case for some bizarre masochistic reason you continue reading, here is a brief glimpse into my futile attempt at sleeping last night:
12:00 Woke up because I accidentally wore my socks to bed. Heck no. *Shudder*
12:30 I’m convinced there was an owl under my house with repetitive interrogatives (please someone get this pun).
1:00 I was too hot (the heated blanket, flannel sheet, comforter and duvet were just a tad overkill.) Turned the heated blanket off.
1:30 I was too cold. Turned the heated blanket back on.
2:00 I wanted to tear the skin off of my wrist where Pumpkin had scratched me (see Monday’s post) because it itched incessantly. I’m convinced, after seeing a special on tv, that I now have ringworm.
2:30 Kicked Maisy out of my bedroom because she sat at the window and chittered to the leaves on the ground. They are not freaking birds. CEASE.AND.DESIST!
3:00 Maisy wanted back in my bedroom (she’s learned that if she projects her voice under the door, she can increase her volume exponentially and expedite her human’s response time.)
3:30 Wide awake, listening to the sound of the bathroom clock ticking. It quickly became a metronome for the songs in my head.
3:45 Woke up to Sasha’s bathtub vocal trills. Not that I can blame her. I sound better when I sing in the shower too.
4:00 What does the fox say? Nothing, he just sounds like a woman dying in the field behind my house, complete with blood-curdling screams. I vaguely recall opening the window at one point to scream SHUT UP!!! but that’s kind of a blur. I’ll ask the neighbors if they heard anything weird last night. Then I’ll blame the ones who live on the other side of me.
4:15 Paralyzing foot cramp, complete with tripping over a cat and hitting my funny bone on a doorknob, which isn’t all that noteworthy because I do this sort of thing during the day when I CAN see where I’m going.
4:30 Plastic bag crinkling. Maisy is emptying the contents of a plastic bag so she can carry it around (I have yet to psychoanalyze that one).
4:45 A cat spring-boarding from my face alerts me to the start of NASCAR kitty hour and to the fact that I forgot to shut the bedroom door after putting Maisy’s plastic bag under the kitchen sink
5:00 Um, sir, unless you drive a military grade TANK, your car should not be loud enough to wake me up as you drive by. And if, by chance, you do drive a tank… then by all means, carry on my friend, carpe the freakin diem…
5:30 First alarm goes off. Reset to 6:15 (I am adeptly skilled at this).
5:45 Drifting off to sleep… Finally…
6:00 Sub coordinator calls me asking if I can teach today. Nope. Pediatric clinical fieldwork day. So essentially, I’m doing the same thing, just not getting paid for it.
6:05 Start falling back asleep
6:15 Second alarm goes off. Got up, scowled at the clock, then the cats. Then the car wouldn’t start in the artic temperature… which meant… no time for coffee… *insert Gollum reference here*
Now if you’ll excuse me, there are some sleeping animals that need to be tampered with…